If your cat could only speak it would put you straight on the many things you do wrong every day. Basically, you are so annoying, it thinks. You refer to it as fickle but really that’s an adjective better suited to you. Your cat thinks providing for its needs is a straightforward task. It doesn’t ask for much so it just can’t understand how you can get it so wrong.
If you feel your relationship with your cat is fraught with tension, here are 15 things it would like to say to you.
1. You Need To Give Me Fresh Water Every Day
I know you think I don’t drink from my water dish. Well, neither would you if you looked closely at it. Half the time it has a crusty scum line, a dead fly rotting at the bottom, and dust and fur floating on the surface. You really ought to wash it every day and then fill it with fresh water. I mean, you use a clean cup or glass every time you have a drink don’t you! So, please give a clean bowl of water every morning.
2. Wash My Food Bowls
I don’t like eating my dinner from a plate that hasn’t been washed either. It’s a breeding ground for bacteria. If I finish my dry food, could you please clean the bowl before you refill it as otherwise I end up eating my own fur that’s fallen into it. And if you just keep topping it up, the stuff at the bottom gets soggy and stale, not to mention germy.
3. You Are So Noisy!
My ears are super-sensitive. They can hear very quiet sounds and also really high-pitched ones. When you yell, it hurts my ears. Loud music and TV upsets me too so I’d appreciate it if you could lower the volume before we both end up completely deaf. And that monster you drag around the house to eat dirt from the floors really freaks me out of so could you warn me in advance before it starts makes that blood-curdling noise? In fact, I’d be happier if you could just be a lot quieter in general, especially when I’m asleep.
4. You’re a Slacker With Some Chores
I don’t mind a bit of mess, in fact, I love to sleep on the clutter that you leave on the table. And I wouldn’t care if you never vacuumed up again as I’ve told you I hate that vacuum-monster-thing.
I do have one gripe though and that’s about my toilet. I notice you like to play with yours on a regular basis with that funny grooming brush on a stick and that you flush it clean after every use. Ideally, I’d like my litter box to be cleaned after every use but I know that’s a tall order. If you could remove any waste from it every day and then empty it right out, wash it and put new litter in every couple of days that would be fantastic. When you don’t do this the thing just stinks and gets overrun with very nasty and dangerous bacteria. I’m thinking of your health here as well as mine. If it gets really bad, I might just be tempted to eliminate outside of it, and I expect you would then wonder why and get the hump with me.
5. You’re a Sleep Spoiler!
If I wake you up when you’re sound asleep, you don’t like it. Do you want to know one of the reasons why I do this? It’s because you don’t have any qualms about waking me up when I’m napping. I need 15 to 20 hours of sleep every day in case I ever need to hunt my own food. Without my sleep quota, I won’t have the energy to zoom around the house in the small hours or wake you up.
If you must wake me up could you be gentle about it so as not to shock me? However, I can’t promise that I’ll extend this courtesy to you in the middle of the night as I’ve found being gentle doesn’t seem to stir you, whereas jumping on your head or full bladder works every time.
6. You Just Won’t Leave Me Alone
Sometimes I love your attention but occasionally I just want to be left alone. I try to let you know but you usually ignore the warnings. I’m fine with you rubbing my cheeks and under my chin, as then you end up smelling just like me. I can even tolerate a kiss on the top of my head. I might even enjoy a stroke along my back, but don’t rub me up the wrong way! But, I would rather you kept your tickling finger way from tummy and paw pads. When I’ve had enough attention I will start to wag my tail and then you’ll know to stop. If you don’t I may issue a light non-skin piercing bite. If you don’t take heed, I’ll bite harder and a claw or two may get involved.
Also, if I want to sit on your lap I know the way up there. You don’t have to grab me when I’m going about my business and plonk me there – just saying.
7. Don’t Ridicule Me!
I do not want to wear clothes, OK! You only put them on me so you can post embarrassing pictures on social media for your friends to laugh at. I might tolerate a hat but nothing else please. Why would you want to make me look silly? If you want to dress something up, buy a doll.
8. You Let People Annoy Me
I like children but they can be a bit clumsy and annoying. I wish you would supervise them around me. They pick me up all wrong under my armpits and it hurts when my legs dangle. They chase me about, squealing and grabbing at my tail. I try to get away but they often corner me leaving me no option but to protect myself with my teeth and claws. I don’t want to hurt anyone so please control the situation and teach kids how to be kind and considerate around me.
9. You Go Off Galivanting All Day Long
I hate it when you swan off and leave me alone all day. I don’t know if you go hunting or something else but I get bored and anxious when you’re not around. I sleep some of the time but would appreciate more things to do when I am awake. A climbing tree and a selection of toys would be nice. I’m happier when the doors to several rooms are left open so I can wander about and look out of different windows.
When you do come home give me some attention instead of ignoring me and sitting down in front of the TV. I would like someone to play with for a while to make up for being so alone all day.
10. You Like Strange Smells
You do smell strange sometimes. You pick me up for a cuddle and then I have to spend ages washing to try to remove whatever it is you rub all over your hands, neck, and wrists. Could you not pick me up when you’re wearing it.
You spray horrible smells around my litter box to mask the smell of it. If you cleaned it out better you wouldn’t need to do that. You set light to odd-smelling waxy stuff in the evenings – they are a hazard to my fur by the way, especially if I jump up and don’t realize one is there. The smell of my fur scorching will make you wish you hadn’t lit that thing. You also plug things into the wall which give off a pungent odor. Basically, what I’m saying is I hate those artificial smells. They play havoc with my nostrils and make me feel unsettled.
11. You Don’t Play With Me Enough
I would like you to play with me for a decent amount of time. Wiggling a bit of string with a toy mouse on it unenthusiastically for a couple of minutes just doesn’t cut it. I can’t be bothered because I know you can’t. Use your imagination a bit, please. I like it when you make something act like my prey. Give me something to stalk and pounce on . Act like you are enjoying the game and try to make it last for about 15 minutes each time or until I decide I’ve had enough. If you stop when I’m still excited I feel confused. And twice a day would be good. Mix it up a bit, change the toys, maybe buy a laser, and spoil me with a bit of catnip from time to time.
12. You Serve Up Some Dreadful Food
I know you think I’m fussy but some of the food you serve me stinks! If you could take note of which brands and flavors I actually eat every morsel of and serve those all the time, that would be great. It really annoys me when you serve me something I left the day before. Why don’t you remember I didn’t eat it. Write it down! It’s not hard. Don’t start calling me fussy and telling your friends that I am a picky eater. I’ve heard you say I eat something one day and then turn my nose up at it the next. How could you make such false accusations?
13. You Never Stick To a Routine
Just when I get used to your schedule, you change it and then I don’t know where I am. When you decide to have a lie in my breakfast is served up late. Sometimes you don’t get home when you should, and then dinner’s late too. This really makes me fret. I’m not sure where you’ve been but sometimes when you do rock up, you can’t walk in a straight line and then go straight to bed! When you go on holiday and send strangers in to feed me my nose is really put out of joint.
You see, I thrive on routine so I’d like it if you could try to abide by one as much as possible.
14. What Do You Do In The Bathroom?
You must realize that I am intrigued about what goes on behind that door when you close it. You are in there forever and then you emerge looking bedraggled as if you got caught in a rainstorm. It would be much more convenient for me if you would leave the door open so I can keep abreast of what you’re doing – and then I wouldn’t have to meow myself hoarse on the other side of the door from you.
15. Your Fussing Over My Appearance is Irritating
It’s my coat and I would rather keep it in order myself. You should keep away with that comb thingy that tugs at my knots. I like looking a little tussled so why can’t you allow me to?
If my eyes look a little icky in the corners, I’ll clean them in my own time. I really don’t appreciate you hooking stuff out with your fingernails and then looking all disgusted at it.
Take note of the above. It’s quite easy to avoid these common mistakes that make your cat unhappy. Your cat will love you more and the two of you will develop a loving friendship that will last for years.